Silver Linings

Dunno how this post will turn out, but I have some inspiration, so that would be the right time to do this.... Got to move on to the next phase, as I've posted quite recently, which means quite literally that I have to move somewhere else, somewhere new. Moving is no picnic, but since starting the work, packing, hauling, and unloading a portion of all that STUFF, I started to see -- again, NOT for the first time -- that we all have to work certain tasks until they're truly complete, until the lessons are truly learned. So...., somehow, I'm looking forward to this move, seeing the possibilities of satisfaction at finally taking care of this unfinished business I've got. There are various kinds of unfinished business on my mind which I'm discussing here, so this is a bit of the theme of this post: silver linings via moving on in ways unplanned but necessary and healthy. 

In the summer, family gathered here where I've been living, and for me, an idea came about that we might ALL be able to live here, which is still an enticing idea, it's an awesome location, and these are great people (I acknowledge my obvious bias). But one factor, if not a lynchpin idea, was that I'd still be living right here. Well, now: no. I'm a bit sad about that because it's a very sweet idea, seriously. So at this point I've come around to the view that even though I'm not going to be here, one can't really predict anything, so I think my sadness isn't going to seep down too deep, I think a very much better day is on its way, in fact I'm convinced of it. Why? Because for a fairly good while now, even though things have involved a fair amount of struggle for me, I really do detect a guiding hand of a spiritual nature, something ineffable but great, and I believe I'm learning how NOT to resist it merely since it's not MY plan. 

One other thing: I now see more and more clearly that, we people misunderstand each other a LOT, and of course we suffer as a result. Sometimes great psychic suffering. I like Gibran's answer that (my paraphrase) suffering and tears are for hollowing out the soul for joy, that's what this all feels like. And I know that because my experiences where "stuff like that" happens are starting to accumulate, there's a kind of hopeful, déja vu effect. It's kind of like when reading and you feel a tug to go look up a word, but you read on and glean the meaning from context, except this is at the level of significant life experience, you know, as it's actually happening. Now that's pretty new, for ME, anyway, and I think it's very good!  I think my friend John C says "namaste" at such times. Hey, cheers, folks!!!!

Time's come to move on, once again. Not happy about it, moving's a pain, supposedly one of life's traumas. In fact, I've never liked doing it, so God must be taking me through the lesson about it, again: "LEARN how to do this" and "STOP fighting me!!" I figure that's pretty much it. There's a great blog that just got started a short few months ago, authored by a FB friend who's also a current student at my prep school alma mater, called "Brownsville To Concord" [http://brownsville2concord.com/]. This writer is bringing great inspiration to me, and probably is responsible for sparking me to put this one up. She has just been writing about grades, and the students there receive "warning grades" mid-term, to let them exert some control over making improvements if warranted. Me, I remember not doing too great the first couple of years, no way was I used to so much focused living, on academics, sports, and on interacting with so many smart, dynamic people for months -- where I grew up, things were a lot more idyllic than intense -- and without virtually ANY tv. What a wonder that I got swept up in all that activity, and in retrospect, despite quite a bit of fear and misery, I kind of forgot about the old, much more easygoing life at home I'd been so used to. 
But now, I have to move on, move out, and I'm almost blithely facing having to find a new living place with very sparse resources. What's remarkable is the feeling of .... almost confidence that the next outcomes and the next phase will be acceptable, and eventually sensible. I can't know that, of course, and some things ahead may be mighty unpleasant, but still, it feels like I've paid some sort of "dues" at this juncture, where dread about the unknown, and unease concerning the "normal" uncertainties of what's coming just don't resonate in me as they once did powerfully. The things that are happening now make some kind of sense, as much as I'd like them to have a different character. Perhaps the central lesson is about surrender. Well, I've seen THAT before, I know something useful about that, such as looking for a "right attitude." I can do that.

The world can be a very hard place. That's the word I want: HARD, for when there's a coldness, a lack of love, a judgement against you, and there are only a few things you can do. This is the kind of situation when you're pushed to react in anger, and yet you know that's not the right, or even productive response. So, "rising above" it is the response I need. That expression has an interesting history with me, although brief, but perhaps profound. It was a favorite expression of my mother's, and I think she meant something different from turning a blind eye, instead it was much closer to "turning the other cheek." I had a lot of trouble with that idea from the gospels: how is that any kind of solution for cruelty? Emmet Fox led me to conclude that Jesus meant, by "turning the other cheek," that the best way to answer harshness or enmity is to go into prayer, literally, internally, and focus your mind and heart on God's presence, instead of on the threat and the threatener. Not ignore, but go to the prayer-place instead of the panicky, fearful place. Not easy, at all, and I hardly know how, but I do have a clue; here's why: The greatest thing that ever happens to us, I believe, is when we perceive and detect God's presence. There, I said it. I don't want to play cat and mouse anymore, this is a blog that I read and perhaps a few others do, I can't say anything more valuable than that. So when you turn your other cheek in this sense, in the face of a threat, Jesus is telling you that God allies with you AND with your threatener to change EVERYone's thinking and feeling state, and a much better place is reached, by all. We ALL rise above. I believe it, although I'm often VERY uncertain about how to proceed to get this done, especially when I'm in the midst of panic at BEING threatened. The answer, I think, comes back again to prayer, and the practice of it. Nothing could be more important, and nothing has ever been more "slippery" for me, quite ironically, meaning sometimes I'm in utter despair at how badly I seem to do this thing, or handle this stuff. But perhaps that's a good, practical basis for cultivation of the other "side of the coin" in this matter, namely FAITH -- the idea that as much as I despair at my own apparent failings, my faith is built on my willingness to keep trying, again and again.
[Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.] And my God proves his faithfulness to me again and again, if I will just look, see, and feel. I am better at this than I once was. That's very important evidence for me! Partly, I discern that it's being said that prayer, and one's ability to "rise above" is powered by the depth of one's faith. To me, that's pretty profound. Certainly worth further pondering, AND action.