Recent Dreams & Revelations

My magnificent daughter gave me a dream journal, a slender blue carnet that's wire-bound. I haven't put that much in it, but historically, I don't remember much of my dreams. One stuck out pretty pronouncedly in the last few days. I'm afraid it has dimmed somewhat, but thinking about it does seem to bring it back to some extent, and I feel I owe myself the effort to haul the broad strokes to the surface, as much as possible (amap, like asap).
       
I'm dealing with some deterioration problems on my beloved car (I think I once named it Buster, but I'm not totally sure....it'll do), so, in a way similar to seeing in my mind's eye highway stripes after a long drive, or daunting moguls -- with my skis crossed of course -- down the slope after skiing, I was seeing out Buster's windshield the table legs of my antique Duncan Phyfe dining room table, rigged with some sort of tires/wheels, instead of a front hood, as I drove along normally. It was a rig reminiscent of the Bat-mobile, somehow. Despite my consternation in the dream at this sight, the stalwart Buster surged along smoothly, like its usual chariot-like self, unperturbed. I had unloaded (sold when possible) quite a number of furniture items during the course of last year, when I moved out of my apartment, in my building I had to sell. I'd moved out because I couldn't even afford to live there, I'm so NOT a real estate tycoon. The building is sold, and I'm liberated in many ways, praise the Lord!!!! But not everything was sold, and I have that three-piece dining room table HERE in my apartment. I was instructed by my mother that this table was one of the most valuable antiques we owned. I saw some documentation to the effect that 40 years ago, it was valued at $1,500. Apparently the two main panels were sister pieces cut from a walnut tree, 29 inches wide, which are BIG boards for walnut.  Too bad there’s not much of a market for antiques these days, but I haven’t given up yet. However, the worst that could happen is I could get to keep it! But this is why the table has been on my mind. Since the car is also of current concern, that’s an interesting combination of things in my subconscious.

The other part of the dream had me seemingly applying for work, and taking tests of some sort, so there were “office people” around, administering these tests to me. My experience was as if I had been drugged, so that I couldn’t perform the tasks involved, and couldn’t articulate what I needed, but there was also a haunting sense that my ineptitude was all part of “The Plan,” and the real purpose of my being there was so that I would eventually comprehend my vast unsuitability for whatever kind of work this was, and these people were trying to demonstrate this to me, perhaps with subtlety, perhaps not, I think sniggering could be detected. Well, I’m looking for work these days, and, for now, I’m going to suppose that my subconscious wishes for me that I will avoid dropping myself in the sort of “jackpot” of misery I’ve plunged into all too many bloody times, as the Brits would say. Halelujah, I’m WARNED!

Well, the beloved family has now dispersed back to Southern Wilds, namely Memphis town, leaving this Granpa with the Granma, although we's no longer married. She's in the other part of the house, HER house, I'm in the apartment. Tryin' to generally get it together to find work, delighted to have had time this week with the unbelievably adorable grand-baby, Lucy, her magnificent Mum (my Corinna), and the great Andy, son-in-law and sage of things do-able, the Papa. Grandma V's a peach, endlessly fascinating, I'm very glad we're friends.

Now I've prepared the playlist for my blues broadcast tomorrow [The Likwidal Edition of The (Saturday) Evenin' Sun blues broadcast], time to settle into winding down for the evening.

Having family here was great. Some downright Spiritual moments, especially when with Lucy, the Princess of Perfection. No doubts whatever as to my role as Granpa, just do everything possible to love her. As with daughter Corinna, always. The little girl likes my SONG! -- NOthing could be groovier!

Also thinking about my musical gig in a month, at Andy's Old Port Pub in Portland, 8-19-13. Looking greatly forward to playing, performing. Rehearsing, too. With two buds, Erlon & Alec: separate sets. Want to add CPR's "Little Blind Fish" and maybe a couple of my favorite Jackson Browne tunes (Song For Adam, and Something Fine) to my set with Erl. Hard songs in Alec's set: "Autumn Leaves" (Clapton's version), and we should get "Girl From Ipanema" done in time for the 19th. Great tunes, though. Liking that I'm getting some of the harder but greatly desired tunes under my belt, and that such things are getting easier. (Keys instructor) Warren is a blessing, so easy to learn from, such an inspiring musician AND person!!!!

Final reflection for the day: only taint on the week was some turbulence in the family, and I don't like that there's not much I can do about it. Two parties are currently incompatico, and not sayin' -- either one -- that they're ready to work on it or compromise. They're both like inadvertent airline pilots who need talkin' down, and they're in separate planes, wanting the same runway at the same moment. I don't know how to engineer their willingness to accept the control tower's directions. No one does, I don't think. So it's wait and see.

Stuff That's Happening

The biggest practical problem is my sleep or waking-cycle: typically until noon or later. That’s right, the Erma Bombeck cracks about her adolescent son come to mind immediately. Well, that’s what I am, but at age 59, I do not have almost ANY of that kid’s advantages, certainly not the youth and presumed fitness. Now, I think my doing this writing IS part of a plan for me, because it’s certainly a good way I can put to use all the mental energy that fills my mind all the time. In other words, I “approve” of writing, and who says doing what seems spiritually right couldn’t involve any collaboration, of the “do it MY way” kind. Well, I’ve thoroughly romanticized the idea of writing as the “Golden Thread,” – not the concept in jurisprudence, but the “how do I get OUT of here once I’m finished?” thread needed by Theseus to find his way back out of the labrynth after slaying the Minotaur. And there’s a sense that if I spend some time this way, writing about what’s really going on, it’ll help me solve some of these problems. I might even improve my writing. Continuing, my apartment, here in Veronica’s house, has no electricity since I can’t afford the $250 deposit the power company now wants due to my two previous disconnections in a twelve-month period. I applied for Food Stamps, on the good advice of a friend, and I’m getting $200 per month in Food Assistance, and all I can say is, I’m glad of it, I had to do some legwork to get it, and I need it. I do get some income, as a result of the sale of my apartment building in Portland, but it ain’t too much in terms of living standards: a few hundred dollars per month. I had let myself get talked into the purchase just after my divorce by supposed “friends,” a collection of them, who saw a great opportunity for ….. THEM, as I see it all, in retrospect, and I surely acted the part of the unwitting sucker, but my REAL best interests were not well looked after, given where I’m at now. Still, this continues to prove to be a magnificent existence here on earth, if I'm honest. But with respect to electrical power, thank God I can borrow from my ex, Veronica, and since I got the General Assistance money I was granted by the Selectmen of my town sent to HER, I feel it’s ok to use some of her power, as long as I leave only a tiny “FOOTPRINT,” and I’m trying mightily to do exactly that. For example, I’m testing my computie’s battery power now to do this writing.

First entry: Al's Right NOW!!!!

Right Now

is the name of this blog I’ve decided to begin writing today, when I’m arguably at the height of my human “powers,” and having a devil of a time acting like it. That’s because, although I have somewhat managed, recently, to lower the level of the overall stakes in my life, they’re still pretty high up there in light of my internal pressure gauge: there’re are a lot of things I’m not handling very well. The major ones are employment, thus finances, and the rest are all relatively minor where progress is needed. The major positives, however are my spiritual health, as I think I’m starting to “get it,” at least a bit, and although I’m in terrible shape physically, still I think I’m finally able to put to use my “fear of God” in order to do something about that.

     Let’s see, I’ve got a pool (above-ground, 18,000 gallons, far as I know) to open up, which is filled with tadpoles, and a lot of leaves from last fall (for myself I’ll say that many came into the pool since I did my best winterizing it in October/November last year, so it’s not like I just left it like that – an effort WAS made). The water’s kind of green as you might imagine. Plus I’ve got a good four hours of lawn-mowing to do; fortunately, my neighbor Steve, a gifted motorhead by trade, has revived the mower which captures clippings in a bag, obviating extensive raking of clippings, which reduces overall effort. Thank GOD I like mowing!

Right now, it’s raining again, and I’m so tired of this Pacific Northwest (seemingly constant) precipitation pattern we seem to have acquired in Maine, it’s very easy for me to get dispirited about the outside work on my agenda – not my favorite thing anyway. But the ex-wife AND the beloved Daughter, plus the very interesting PhD son-in-law, AND the beautIFicent granddaughter (five months plus) all arrive in about a month, and I STRONGly wish NOT to demonstrate, when they arrive, the kind of total incapacitation disaster that is starting to have good potential for materializing right (about) now.